Shame is a word I have been wrestling with lately. It’s something that I had not thought about until I watched an inspiring documentary on Tony Robbins. What a funny idea to pop into my mind that I now can’t seem to let go.
What is Shame?
As I’ve wrestled with this very powerful, demeaning word, I’ve come to realize that I’m not even sure what it means. It just seems to sit here with me. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, shame is a noun, which means it is a thing or an idea. By definition it means, “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” The word has such a negative connotation. It is most certainly something that we humans can feel. But why? What is behind taking on something so powerful and so negative?
Exploring the Concept
As many of you may know, I recently found and connected with my biological roots on both my paternal and maternal sides. As an adoptee, the emotions I’ve experienced throughout my life because I was adopted have been far-reaching and complicated. All too often, I have been unable to pinpoint the range of emotions that have gripped me over the years. While learning more about my maternal side, I’ve come to know and understand that my biological mother, whom I will never have the blessing to meet since she is deceased, was treated as if she brought shame on the family, as was typical of unwed teenage pregnant girls at that time.
Shame is so powerful that I can’t even imagine how it must have made her feel. It truly breaks my heart. As a mother to three boys, I can’t even imagine being forced to give up my child, much less be made to feel shame for bringing a child into the world. Yes, I know times were different then. I get that. Thank goodness some of that has changed today. But I digress.
The Big Question About Shame
What I grapple with is this question: Can shame cross the placenta? In other words, I feel like this is the word that has impacted my life, always. I’ve always felt it. It’s shaped so of much me in terms of behaviors and choices. I keep studying the word, feeling the word, and internalizing the word. Shame. It’s on my mind. Deeply in my thoughts. There are no answers… yet. I’m mulling it over. Just letting the feels of it go where it needs to.
I found this quote about shame. It speaks to me on such a different level. “Shame should be reserved for the things we choose to do, not the circumstances that life puts on us.” ~ Ann Patchett. Can I be feeling my mother’s shame?
Changing the Subject
On another note, we stopped at the Jupiter Inlet Dubois Park a few weeks ago. It’s such a beautiful place. The beautiful and famous Jupiter Lighthouse is in the distance. This is a soul-soothing place. Love it!
Thanks for visiting the blog. Let me know what you think of shame. I’d love to hear from you so please leave me a comment below.
Namaste ~ Amy
